IRAQ THE MODEL

I was discussing with some friends whom would we like to have as a president in the transitional period. And since no names were suggested so far and since this topic remains a vague one for the majority, we thought that we could help in setting some standards for the candidates that we think the majority of Iraqis agree on.
The requirements are:

1-He should not be a cleric.
2-He should be at least 84 years old with life expectancy of no more than 90 for his family.
3-Should have no criminal record.
4-He should have at least 2 chronic illnesses (organic) with no possible cure.
5-He should have NO sons.
6-He should not be able to make a speech longer than 15 minutes.
7-He should have an IQ that can be measured
8-His birthday should not be known.
9-He should not have been seen wearing a military uniform.
10-He should have no interest in nerve gas, mustard gas, abdominal gas…etc.
11-He should have no experience whatever with guns.
12-He should NOT be a war hero.
13-He should not have a history in using words like conspiracy, historical, mother of all …., the day of days…..etc.
14-He should speak at least 6 languages beside Arabic AND English (French, German, Russian and Chinese are NOT needed)
15-He should feel comfortable with living in one house for a long time.
16-The applicant should show documents that prove that he’s hated by the majority of Palestinians, Saudis, Egyptians and ARABS in general.
17-He should have been criticized severely by Arab media, especially Al-Jazeera and Al-Arabiya.

Anyone who thinks he can meet the above standards, please e-mail us with attached CV.
A draw will be performed and the name of the winner will be announced prior to the 1st of June (I'm serious).
Several contests are expected to be held at different sites and areas in Iraq and the final candidates will be presented to the UN and the CPA to choose THE ONE.

By Ali.